Even Cowgirls Get the Blues

I hate being on top! Most of my friends say they love riding their men and one says she only gets off like that. My boyfriend always tries to get me up there and I don’t want to seem lazy but I just don’t enjoy it and find it very awkward. Do you have any tips to make riding high more enjoyable?

-Riding High

Dear Riding High,

Ever heard the real estate expression “location, location, location”? In your case, the key word to repeat ad infinitum is “angle, angle, angle.”

Because here’s the thing about ANY sex position: if it hurts (in a bad way) or feels awkward, you’re doing it wrong. This might sound obvious but you’d be surprised how many women seem to think their pleasure doesn’t matter, or is at best secondary to her partner’s. And I’m not just talking about orgasms (which not all women want or need every time they have sex, but absolutely deserve if they do). Penetration alone can feel fantastic when a man’s objective goes beyond using your vagina as a warm, fleshy masturbation hole. Not that you can blame him—all men need is the ol’ in-and-out to get off, while women’s pleasure requires a bit more nuance.

And that’s why the angle of penetration is so crucial—a penis standing at ninety-degree attention inside you might be uncomfortable, but an eighty-degree angle might feel amazing. Sitting up straight might strain your back and distract from your pleasure, but smashing against your man’s chest and lifting your ass just inches at a time could ripple shivers down your spine. Don’t feel weird about taking control here and shifting around until you find an angle that works for you—and this goes for any position, not just the popular Cowgirl.

But every woman is different—every vagina is different. What works for some might not work for others. So your friend regularly gets off on top? Awesome for her! It doesn’t mean you’ll find an angle that can produce the mythical vaginal orgasm (okay it’s not mythical, or even that rare, but it’s nowhere near as easy to achieve as its clitoral cousin). Speaking of, manual clitoral stimulation—with your fingers, his fingers, vibrator, etc.—is another way to make “riding high” worth your while.

And then there’s that other rare yet amazing feat of the female body: squirting. If you haven’t ever felt that delectable gush of hot fluid from deep within, don’t worry—I didn’t squirt for the first time until I was in my late twenties. All it took was the right dick, the right angle, and the right amount of pressure, and even though I don’t get off every time (yes, squirting doesn’t require an orgasm, unlike male ejaculation), at the very least it makes things nice and wet and slippery for the duration.

Hopefully these tips will help make this particular position more enjoyable, but there’s always the chance that it just isn’t for you and maybe never will be. In that case, tell your boyfriend that you gave it your best shot but Cowgirling is off the menu. Which is fine, because it’s not like there aren’t dozens of alternate positions still available. But if he gives you a hard time, insisting you’re too lazy or too selfish to “compromise” then consider that a huge red flag. Anyone who truly respects and cares about you will accept your sexual preferences without a smidge of pressure. And anyone who doesn’t isn’t worth your time—or your vagina.

With justice and pleasure for all,
Eliza Lane

Sex Appeal
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Great feedback
Very descriptive and informative. Looking forward to more Katrina
June 4, 2015, 2:51 am
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