I started seeing this girl with the potential that we’d become Dom and sub. We went on a few dates, and things seemed to be going great. We talked a lot about D/s (I have experience, she doesn’t.) We talked consent, safe words, safety, all kinds of stuff.
One night, she came back to my place, and we had sex. Just vanilla stuff, though I swatted her butt once or twice, that kind of thing. I’ve had some nerve damage, so I don’t have a lot of sensation in my penis. I asked her several times if she’d like to try sex without a condom. She kept saying no. I asked her why not, and she wouldn’t give me a good answer. I’m clean, and she was a virgin, and it was highly unlikely that I’d get her pregnant. So I wound up keeping the condom on. I took her home afterward, and everything seemed fine.
Two days later, she broke up with me. She said that she couldn’t trust me, because I kept asking to go bareback, even though she kept saying no. She said she’s an anxious person, and she’s worried that if I ever had her tied up and she used her safe word that I’d just ignore it.
I like this girl. What can I say to make it better?
Dear BDSM Bully,
No, yeah, I completely see understand why you were confused. I mean she was a virgin and experiencing sex for the first time (and literally feeling someone invade her body), and she was uncomfortable because you kept trying to rip the condom off and jizz inside of her poor cherry-popped vagina?! What.a.bitch.
…I really hope you saw my sarcasm there.
… and hopefully your reading skills are better than your listening.
Look, I get it. You have all of these fantasies whirling inside of your head, and you just can’t wait to try them out on a real female as opposed to cumming inside of a heated up watermelon. And then you find a VIRGIN, who has no idea of her sexual limits and you throw all of your ideas at her. Then she nods enthusiastically, because -yeah- this all sounds great in theory, and you have already imagined tying her up, pouring hot wax onto her and shoving anal beads up her ass.
You say you like this girl, but then you don’t even respect her wishes enough to listen when she tells you no. With the risk of going all crazy female on your ass…you fucked up.
Now…that being said, I would like to help you.
You’re going to have to start from ground zero. This means wooing the broad. I when I say woo, I mean WOO god dammit. Flowers, dates, telling her how pretty she is, good morning texts, all the things that we females secretly want, but only half of us admit to. You need to make her feel safe again, or you will never get the chance to ball-gag the shit outta her.
OH. And you need to fucking apologize. Say something along the lines of “Listen, I should have been more respectful and listened when you said no. I was just so excited to be with you, and you made me so hot that I wanted it to be as good as possible. I would like the chance to make it up to you, so I have booked 2 tickets to Mexico for the week all expenses paid, come with me??”.
…Alright maybe the last part was my secret fantasy, but whatever, you get the jist.
Be a gentleman, and hopefully if you play your cards right, you can treat her like the dirty girl that she wants to be.
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