Dictionary term meaning a wearing, grinding, or rubbing away by friction. In BDSM play this would See also stimulating the surface of the body with abrasive materials such as rough silk, leather, sandpaper, brushes, etc. Age Play – Acting as if you were either younger or perhaps older than you really are. Anal Beads – A set of strung beads used to insert into the anus to stimulate the anal nerves as foreplay or to cause orgasm. Anal Play – This is generally play where the anus may be penetrated with either beads, ice, dildos, anal plugs, penis, or fist. Rimming the anus with a finger or toys stimulates the nerves which can create a more intense orgasm. Inserting and playing with one’s prostrate gland (males) will cause increased orgasm. Anal Plug – A specially designed dildo for use in the anus that is shaped in a way so that it will not “fall out”. Most commonly inserted and left in the anus for a given amount of time. Also used for “ass training” to stretch out the anus and get one accustomed to having something in their ass. Anal Sex – Any sexual activity involving the anus. Examples are; rimming (oral), Butt / Anal Plugs, Dildos, and penile penetration. Animal Role Playing – Games in which one or more partners, usually the bottom, takes on the role of an animal. Most common is probably a dog, or puppy boy / girl though horses are also popular. The ‘animal’ may imitate animal behavior, wear items such as collars, leads, bridles and so on, or carry out tasks associated with animal behavior. Arm / Leg Sleeves – Play which involves binding the arms/legs of the submissive in an attempt to restrict mobility. Aromas – Play which involves the use of certain aroma therapy to induce relaxation. Also referred to as “poppers”. In some instances these can be volatile compounds whose vapors cause temporarily increased heart and breathing rates, muscle relaxation, and a “rushing” feeling in the head. These types of play are popular in the gay and rave scenes, and often used in an S/m context. There are some dangers associated with their use.
a person who actively works to end intolerance, educate others, and support social equity for a group
a straight person who supports queer people
a gender expression that has elements of both masculinity and femininity; (2) occasionally used in place of “intersex” to describe a person with both female and male anatomy
attracted to males, men, and/or masculinity
a person who generally does not experience sexual attraction (or very little) to any group of people
Commonly referred to as “breath control”. Refers to play involving control of or restriction of air and / or oxygen to the brain. Any form of stopping breathing freely including choking, smothering and hoods with tubes, sacks, plastics, etc, is asphyxia. Sometimes used to cause a more intense orgasm. Other examples would be strangling which is compression of the neck or throat area to prevent oxygen to the brain; suffocation involves reducing the level of oxygen available to breathe; hanging where the body is suspended by the neck (remember, all these games are extremely dangerous , either alone or with a partner, and may cause DEATH ).
Auctioned for Charity
Involves play where the partner (usually the submissive) is auctioned off to others for charitable purposes and or services to another. This is illegal in many areas.BACK TO THE TOP
Play which involves a type of penile constraint attached to weights in order to provide a variety of sensations including discomfort and pain, while stretching the testicles and scrotum.
Bathroom Use Control
Scenes where the Dominant restricts or takes control over the submissive’s bodily functions through the use of techniques such as catheterization, enemas, diapers, rubber pants, and possibly golden showers. Examples in play: House training a puppy, age play, and golden shower play.
Play which incorporates the use of animals for sexual pleasure. Not to be confused with animal role playing. This form of play can be very dangerous and is illegal.
Striking the body with various objects or the hand. Typically administered as punishment in connection with childhood punishments. For example, the Dominant may administer a “beating” to an unruly submissive.
Being Serviced (sexually)
Play which involves just that. The Dominant instructing the submissive to do exactly how He / She wants the submissive to perform sexually.
Person who fluctuates between traditionally “woman” and “man” gender-based behavior and identities, identifying with both genders (and sometimes a third gender)
Traditional and outdated view of gender, limiting possibilities to “man” and “woman”
Traditional and outdated view of sex, limiting possibilities to “female” or “male”
The physical anatomy and gendered hormones one is born with, generally described as male, female, or intersex, and often confused with gender
Person who experiences sexual, romantic, physical, and/or spiritual attraction to people of their own gender as well as another gender; often confused for and used in place of “pansexual”
Scenes involving the biting of the skin to induce pain. Safety Note: Although certain types of nibbling/biting are quite safe, extreme biting causing breaking/bleeding of the skin is not recommended and can be dangerous if not carefully done.
Play which involves temporarily blocking the submissive’s sense of sight. This type of play is essential when everyday objects are used to give unexpected sensations. Blindfolds come in many forms from the more expensive leather (full-head type) to the more inexpensive handkerchiefs, scarves, bandages. Safety Note: Do not make the blindfold too tight as to put pressure on the eyeballs. Although some people take blindfolding in stride, it can have unpredictable psychological effects and be extremely frightening for some people.
Breast / Chest Bondage
The restriction / bondage of the woman’s breast / chest area for erotic reasons using various types of fastenings (i.e., rope, scarves, etc.).
Refers to play involving control of or restriction of air and / or oxygen to the brain. Other examples would be strangling, which is compression of the neck/throat area to prevent the flow of oxygen to the brain. Suffocation involves reducing the level of oxygen available to breathe; hanging where the body is suspended by the neck (remember, all these games are dangerous to play, either alone or with a partner).
Making a permanent or semi-permanent scar on the skin by burning it with a hot metal object, as practiced on livestock. Seen by some as “body art”, this technique can be carried out safely; however, it is still likely to be intensely painful. Can also use temporary tattoos or markers. Used by Dominants to mark Their property. Not for the novice.
The practice of play involving a fetish for boots / shoes. Commonly used for Domination and humiliation practices (i.e., licking or cleaning of the Dominant’s boots, shoes or bare feet).
The restriction of a person’s bodily movements for erotic reasons using fastenings of various types or textures. Also used in S/m practices though with a heavier pretense. Examples; Rope, cuffs, chains, and other restraining apparatus.
Whipping of the woman’s / submissive’s chest area using a variety of items which include: floggers, whips, cat tails, paddles, for erotic purposes.
Brown Showers (Scat)
The practice of play involving a fetish for including human (or animal) feces. Although this type of play can be safe if done correctly, it is not recommended for those faint of heart! Bruising – A condition which may occur as a result of pinching or striking. Care should be taken to avoid bruising.
Most common is the use of a large animal cage. Construction of a cage can be of wood, steel, fencing material. Used to confine the submissive, for play or punishment.
Mostly made of bamboo, this whip is by far the most painful. Care should be used, as the welts from caning are slow to rise, and blood can be accidentally drawn if not in constant monitoring. Caning should be limited to the fleshy part of the buttocks, and nowhere else on the body. This can be very dangerous , and is not for the novice.
There has been much confusion as to the actual meaning of this term. This refers to removal of the testicles; however, some people use it for the removal of any/all sexual organs of either sex. The removal of the testicles is sometimes referred to as Emasculation and a man who has had his testicles removed is referred to as a eunuch. This procedure causes permanent and significant changes to the body. Castration fantasies are actually quite common among the heavy S/m players and are played out in scenes involving cock and ball torture (CBT), permanent and play piercing, and even genital shaving. However, few people actually choose to make this fantasy a reality. It should be noted here that this is a serious surgical procedure and not something someone can teach themselves to do safely. This form of play is very dangerous.
A flexible tube used in medical procedures generally inserted into the area controlled by the bladder. This procedure is most often used for “control” scenes.
An electrical prodding device used to herd animals, more frequently for cattle. Sometimes used in S/m play for “branding” or serious hardcore pain play, and is considered dangerous play.
Cells or Closets
Play which involves locking the submissive in a cell-type device and / or closet. Usually as a form of punishment. Not recommended for claustrophobics.
A strong metal type of bondage material used in bondage scenes. Chains are less flexible and potentially more dangerous than other types of bondage material. Note: Always make sure you observe metal bondage rules and choose a chain and equipment that will withstand heavier strain.
Scenes involving the use of the toilet for humiliation and / or control. Generally used for medical scenes.
In S/m circles, meaning the banning or physically preventing one (male or female) from achieving orgasm or any form of genital stimulation. A means of domination over one’s submissive. A device (lockable ) panty-type which when worn prevents any type of genital stimulation.
Requiring one’s submissive to “chauffeur” them around physically in vehicles or other types of transportation.
Compression of the carotid arteries in order to restrict air or blood flow to the brain. This form of play is dangerous.
Chores (Domestic Service)
Scenes where the Dominant requires the submissive to perform chores and / or domestic service in either sexually pleasing clothing (i.e., maid outfits) or naked.
A description for a person whose gender identity, gender expression, and biological sex all align (e.g., man, masculine, and male)
A person who identifies as a man, presents himself masculinely, and has male biological sex, often referred to as simply “man”
A person who identifies as a woman, presents herself femininely, and has female biological sex, often referred to as simply “woman”
A person who is keeping their sexuality or gender identity a secret from many (or any) people, and has yet to “come out of the closet”
Small pinning devices used for hanging clothes. Generally used in BDSM play as quite effective nipple clamps, testicle clamps, etc. Great for the bargain BDSM player! Be sure the wood doesn’t become stuck to the skin while removing, as it will remove skin from body.
Cock & Ball Torture
any form of restraint or orgasm control to a male’s genitals. Can be used for play or punishment. Not for the novice, as this can be dangerous.
Rubber, metal, or leather type ring used to strap around the base of the cock and balls when soft. Increases blood flow to the genital area during self stimulation and sex. When released, causes minor pain during recurring blood flow.
Play which involves the fantasy of worshiping the cock. Performed mostly by the submissive to the Dominant. Scenes might include licking and / or fellatio. Even some female Dominants may use strap-ons that are worshiped by the submissive male or female.
A collar worn around the neck to indicate one’s submissiveness. These can be made of leather, steel, rubber, rope. Used in scenes for humiliation and / or examples such as dog / puppy or even boy / girl play.
The process of revealing your sexuality or gender identity to individuals in your life; often incorrectly thought to be a one-time event, this is a lifelong and sometimes daily process; not to be confused with “outing”
Wearing clothing that conflicts with the traditional gender expression of your sex and gender identity (e.g., a man wearing a dress) for any one of many reasons, including relaxation, fun, and sexual gratification; often conflated with transsexuality
Competitions (With Other Subs)
Scenes involving competitive-type sports or play with other submissives.
A lingerie / binding type device worn to restrict the chest area and make the waist smaller. Worn by early 19th Century women as a form of formal dress to make one’s self more appealing to the opposite sex.
Any form of torture to the male or female genital area.
A leather or metal bondage device used to restrict movement. Usually locks around the limbs in order to place the submissive in a precarious position.
Cutting the surface of the skin with sharp objects, generally a knife, for the thrill, sensation, or pain. To also create decorative scars. The same basic precautions apply as with other types of blood play. Remember to stay away from vital organ areas and genital cutting.
Waterproof panties or cloth worn in BDSM play for the object of child-playing scenes. Also used in control scenes for controlling bodily functions.
The term used when a woman’s cervix is dilated (opened) to aid in childbirth. In BDSM play dilation occurs when a speculum (pelvic exam device) is used to open the cervix for medical scening. Safety Note: Care should be exercised and previous study should be done, before attempting this play. This form of play is dangerous
From the French term meaning “I please myself). A phallic-shaped device designed for insertion into the body. Early versions were made of stuffed animal gut, leather, or ceramics; however, today they are most commonly crafted of molded latex. They may be hand-held, strapped on with harnesses to allow women to wear, or permanently placed on other devices to ensure stability during use. Hygiene demands that dildos not be shared with others, or condoms be placed on dildos to prevent the spread of STD’s.
The one in charge, or the top who oversees and controls. A Dominant should be well versed in many areas of sexual play for safety. The responsible One.
Play involving the penetration of two or more bodily orifices with various types of devices and / or genitalia, (i.e., penetration of the mouth / rectum / vagina, etc.)
Person who consciously performs “masculinity,” usually in a show or theatre setting, presenting an exaggerated form of masculine expression, often times done by a woman; often confused with “transsexual” or “transvestite”
Person who consciously performs “femininity,” usually in a show or theatre setting, presenting an exaggerated form of feminine expression, often times done by a man; often confused with “transsexual” or “transvestite”
Derogatory slang term used for lesbian women; reclaimed by many lesbian women as a symbol of pride and used as an in-group term
Using electricity in BDSM play seems a scary notion to most people, but it can easily be made safe provided two simple rules are followed: a) only use devices powered by low-voltage batteries, and certainly no main-powered appliances; and b) avoid placing any contacts above the waist (including hands or arms), as even small currents to the heart or brain can disrupt those organs’ delicate electrical activity with serious consequences. Popular devices include “TENS” units designed for the relief of muscle and back pain; and “Violet Wands” which use a radio frequency discharge, and can be used above the waist provided the face is avoided. Any form of this play can be dangerous .
A thorough anal cleaning involving a water bottle and tube. Most frequently used in medical scening although might also be used for control scenes as well.
In BDSM / S/m circles, meaning the banning or physically preventing one from achieving orgasm or any form of genital stimulation. A means of domination over one’s submissive. A device (lockable ) panty-type which when worn prevents any type of genital stimulation. See also “Chastity belt”
Scenes involving erotic dancing / stripping as a form of erotic pleasure; i.e., dancing / stripping to music.
Scenes involving some type of physical examination (i.e. medical exams) where the use of various types of equipment are used. Safety note: Genital examinations should be done carefully, as serious consequences could result if not performed carefully. This form of play can be dangerous.
Play which involves forcing one’s submissive to exert physical exercise as a form of control / humiliation (may include lifting, running, weight-lifting, etc.).
Common dictionary term meaning a perversion marked by a tendency to indecent exposure; an act of such exposure; the act of practicing or behaving in such a manner as to attract attention to oneself. Scening involving the display of public / private exhibitionism in order to exert control and / or humiliation. NOTE: In many countries, this form of play, is illegal and will get you arrested if caught by law enforcement.
Eye Contact Restrictions
Restricting one’s submissive from any eye contact with the Dominant (i.e., forcing submissive to look away / look down). Similar to military boot camps. Control is enforced by the Dominant by refusing eye contact.
Involves play where a moderate amount of slapping of the face is used for humiliation / control. This play can be dangerous if an eye is struck, etc.
Derogatory slang term used for gay men; reclaimed by many gay men as a symbol of pride and used as an in-group term
Play which involves the fantasy of abandonment. Possibly leaving the submissive in a deserted area or public area for a short period of time to exert control and punishment.
Scenes where the Dominant fulfills a sub-missive’s fantasy of rape. Note: This type of play can become quite emotional for the submissive, so use extreme care when performing this type of play. After care is extremely important
Fantasy Rape (Gang)
Involves the same type of play with the exception of scene being performed by a group.
Incorporating fear into scenes by using the sub-missive’s own fears as an outline for play. Note: This type of play can become quite emotional for the submissive, so take extreme care when performing this type of play, and aftercare is important again
Performing oral sex on a man’s penis.
Person with a specific set of sexual anatomy (e.g., 46,XX phenotype, vagina, ovaries, uterus, breasts, higher levels of estrogen, fine body hair) pursuant to this label
Fisting (Anal / Vaginal)
Play which involves placing or attempting to place the entire hand (or even both hands) in the rectum / vagina. The hand is only formed into a fist, and once fully inserted, requires an extreme gentleness, care, and patience. Involves moving of the fist in and out of the orifice and can be a dangerous technique if not performed correctly. Proper study should be done, before attempting such, and after care is extremely important. This form of play is dangerous.
Play which involves the use of fire in scening. It should be noted here that using any type of fire / flame during scening is quite dangerous and could result in permanent scarring / burning of the body. Use extreme care when using fire in scenes, as this is extremely dangerous and not to be done by a novice.
A whip device usually with many “tails”. Used on buttocks or back, generally to make nerve sensations greater. Floggers can be used on the genital areas. Can be used for play or punishment. This form of play is not for the novice, and can be dangerous.
A device used to secure one on this bench-like, padded, sawhorse. Usually made waist height, with the use of tethers attached to wall or floor to secure the submissive. A well designed horse will allow open spread usage of the submissive when mounted properly upon.
Where the Dominant controls amount and type of food allowed to be consumed by the submissive. This includes liquid intake as well.
The practice of play involving a fetish for feet. Commonly used for domination and humiliation practices (i.e., licking / cleaning of the Dominant’s feet).
Forced Bed wetting
Forcing the submissive to purposely urinate in the bed. Most commonly used as a form of control / humiliation and in age play scenes.
Forcing the submissive to dress however the Dominant sees fit, whether publicly or privately. Used generally for humiliation.
A technique by which the Dominant controls the sub-missive’s eating habits. Used to “fatten up” sub-missives or in age play games.
Scenes where the submissive is forced into having sexual relations with someone of the same sex.
Play involving the submissive performing forced sex with someone of the opposite sex.
Scenes where the submissive is forced to perform masturbation in front of/for the Dominant or others as a form of erotic / sensual play or humiliation.
A scene which involves forcing one’s submissive to remain nude either privately or publicly. Generally as a form of control / humiliation. Note: In some areas, this is illegal in public.
A form of play involving the submissive acting as a servant / maid to the Dominant. May be played out in public or in private as a form of humiliation.
Forcing the submissive to smoke (usually cigarettes); however, other various types of smoking are used in heavy S/m play.
Generally with another term attached, like gender-fluid or fluid-sexuality, fluid(ity) describes an identity that is a fluctuating mix of the options available (e.g., man and woman, gay and straight); not to be confused with “transitioning”
A flexible covering for the head and sometimes neck. These come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and textures. Worn to prevent the sense of sight for erotic purposes.\
Person who has undergone medical treatments to change their biological sex (Female To Male, or Male To Female), often times to align it with their gender identity; often confused with “trans-man”/”trans-woman”
To restrict the use of the mouth by inserting a gag, in various textures (i.e., cloth, leather, ball gag, etc.). When using gags, it is important to remember that these only be worn for short periods of time. This form of play can be dangerous.
A mask worn on the face connected to a chemical air filter and used to protect the face and lungs from toxic gases. Used mostly in heavy S/m scening.
Gates of Hell
A type of cock ring worn around the base of the testicles and penis to restrict blood flow to the penis during erotic scening. Specially designed, this type of cock ring is usually made of metal and has several rings attached together, ranging from the largest at the base and going smaller toward the tip.
a term used to describe a man who is attracted to men, but often used and embraced by women to describe their same-sex relationships as well
the external display of gender, through a combination of dress, demeanor, social behavior, and other factors, generally measured on a scale of masculinity and femininity
the internal perception of an individual’s gender, and how they label themselves
a person who does not identify with any gender
a blanket term used to describe people whose gender falls outside of the gender binary; (2) a person who identifies as both a man and a woman, or as neither a man nor a woman; often used in exchange with “transgender
To cause an orgasm through the genital area, done strictly to the genital area with any body part or through the use of toys.
Where a Dominant releases a sub to another Dominant, without exchange of favors.
Play which involves urinating on one’s submissive or vice versa.
Scenes involving the use of firearms. It should be noted here: Gun Play is a dangerous form of play and should not be entered into lightly. Serious consequences could occur from such play and it is not recommended, It is also considered illegal
attracted to females, women, and/or femininity
Play which involves the use of a hairbrush to inflict pain on the buttocks. Commonly used in “naughty boy / girl” scenes for punishment.
Pulling of one’s hair for the purpose of pain / humiliation. Used often in heavy scening.
Using the hands to perform sexual gratification on a man’s penis. Stroking of the penis to facilitate orgasm.
To have more than one submissive in a scene or in daily life (i.e., the Dominant has a “harem” of women / men). A common occurrence in the Mormon religion, and in poly amorous relationships.
Bondage apparatus consisting of a network of straps designed to form a web over a large area of the body or head. Well-known leather body harness for wearing around the upper torso. Harnesses can be constructed from a variety of materials. Some harnesses built properly are used in suspension.
To perform oral sex on the man’s penis for erotic pleasure to facilitate orgasm.
an outdated medical term used to describe someone who is intersex; not used today as it is considered to be medically stigmatizing, and also misleading as it means a person who is 100% male and female, a biological impossibility for humans
behavior that grants preferential treatment to heterosexual people, reinforces the idea that heterosexuality is somehow better or more “right” than queerness, or ignores/doesn’t address queerness as existing
a medical definition for a person who is attracted to someone with the other gender (or, literally, biological sex) than they have; often referred to as “straight”
Along with boots, these are the most fetished items around. They combine the discomfort and pain of wearing them with the damage they can inflict when used as weapons. Some scenes may involve wearing, licking, cleaning, etc. See also “Boot worship”
Term meaning to pay respects to; homage; honor. A ceremony involving the submissive “honoring” the Dominant in some way – public or private. Could also mean paying “homage” to the penis / vagina, feet, breasts, etc., by worship.
fear, anger, intolerance, resentment, or discomfort with queer people, often focused inwardly as one begins to question their own sexuality
a medical definition for a person who is attracted to someone with the same gender (or, literally, biological sex) they have, this is considered an offensive/stigmatizing term by many members of the queer community; often used incorrectly in place of “lesbian” or “gay”
The use of warmed oils for massaging or various other uses for erotic type play. Be careful of oil temperature before applying to another’s skin, test on Your own forearm first. This form of play can be dangerous.
The process of using hot wax in scening. The wax most commonly used are candles and can be used on various parts of the body for erotic stimulation. Note: Some types of wax, beeswax for instance, have a tendency to become extremely hot during burning and should always be used carefully to prevent permanent burning / scarring of the skin. Note: not for the novice, as this form of play is extremely dangerous.
Play involving the Dominant instructing the submissive to perform domestic duties as a form of punishment / control. Can sometimes also be used as erotic play (i.e., cleaning in the nude).
To humiliate the submissive by requiring them to perform things they normally would not do, most commonly in public (i.e., wearing revealing clothing; having sex in public; playing out puppy, boy / girl scenes, etc.).
To place someone in a trance-type state, and offer suggestions into certain types of behavior. Safety note: This form of play is not for the novice.
sexual attraction with intensity bordering on insatiability or addiction; recently dismissed as a non-medical condition by the American Psychiatric Association when it was proposed to be included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders version 5.
ice used on nipples or genital areas for desensitization of senses or nerves.
Any form of bondage technically immobilizes someone; however, this term is usually used for extreme forms of bondage where the submissive literally cannot move a muscle. Not recommended for long periods of time, and is dangerous.
Scening where the submissive assumes the role of a child / infant and is treated as such (i.e., diaper wearing, spankings, standing in corner, etc.).
A *Term* meaning the rites, ceremonies, and / or ordeals by which an individual is made a member of a house or society. Example: College initiations (“hell week”). More commonly known as “beat-in” or “earning letters”, such as pain slut.
Term meaning to “inject” the body with a substance (i.e., saline solution, insulin, flu shots, drugs, etc.). Usually performed with a hypodermic needle. Note: This is a very risky type of play and is NOT recommended. The sharing of needles should never be done! Injections should be left to those that have been properly trained or to health care professionals. This form of play is dangerous , and is illegal in most countries.
Intricate (Japanese) Rope Bondage
A very complex form of bondage that is also quite beautiful to not only see but witness being performed. The submissive is also bonded in such a way as to allow easy access / removal of the device at any time.
Term meaning question, systematically and formally. Commonly performed in “police interrogations”; police-type scening. Commonly used for humiliation.
a person with a set of sexual anatomy that doesn’t fit within the labels of female or male (e.g., 47,XXY phenotype, uterus, and penis)
To be used as a form of “respect” toward the Dominant. Making the submissive kneel when the Dominant enters the room, during scening, in public, etc. A punishment form of kneeling is where the submissive is kneeling in a different position then for *offering* herself.
Cutting the surface of the skin with sharp objects, generally a knife, for the thrill, sensation, or pain. To also create decorative scars. The same basic precautions apply as with other types of blood play. Remember to stay away from vital organ areas and genital cutting.
Material made from the cured skin of animals. Wearing leather is a popular sexual fetish. Leather, especially the wearing of black leather gives the wearer a certain sense of power and is commonly worn in the BDSM scene by the Dominant. Used for making floggers. whips, etc
Play involving the “licking” of various body parts.
Women’s intimate apparel. Lace bodices, stockings, bras, panties, etc.
a person with a specific set of sexual anatomy (e.g., 46,XY phenotype, penis, testis, higher levels of testosterone, coarse body hair, facial hair) pursuant to this label
Manacles / Irons
Metal rings joined by a chain to restrain the wrist or ankles.
Using the hands (generally) to massage areas of the body. Possibly giving a massage to “warm up” or “foreplay” before play.
Done in a room equipped and fitted as a physicians or surgeons office. This is a form of role play, where cavity exams, piercing, the use of needles, scalpels, equipment sounds are generally found. Not for the novice. Some forms of this play is illegal, and can be dangerous.
One who assists another in study. Usually a well-versed Dominant helping a submissive understand the lifestyle and their role in it. A Mentor guides another to achieve knowledge, not a teacher.
Usually used for pictures, where one is placed in positions for best appearance.
A type of mouthpiece, generally used on horses and ponies, that is inserted into the mouth and is used to bite down on. Used typically during pony girl / boy play scenes.
A specialized kind of bondage in which the whole body, including the head, if a breathing tube is used, is wrapped tightly to prevent any type of mobilization. Common types of materials are saran wrap, gaffa tape, or cloth or latex bandages. Holes are then sometimes made to allow access to the genital area. This form of play is dangerous , and should always have extra help around in case of an emergency
Clamp-type devices placed on the nipples during play to stimulate and stop blood flow to the nipple. One of the general household items to be used are clothespins. Care should be exercised to be sure the material used in clamp, does not stick to the skin, as tearing can occur.
A ring that is worn through the nipple. Piercing of the nipple and inserting a ring, similar to nose piercing. This type of piercing stimulates the nipple. Should be done by a professional.
Intense excitement resulting in an explosive discharge of neuromuscular tensions at the height of sexual arousal that is usually accompanied by the ejaculation of semen by the male and by vaginal contractions in the woman.
When one is forced to release or hold their body’s desires to orgasm. Can be used in play or punishment.
Scenes involving the great outdoors! Any scene where the couple is outside during scening. Some activities are illegal.
when someone reveals another person’s sexuality or gender identity to an individual or group, often without the person’s consent or approval; not to be confused with “coming out”
In broad terms, pain is the body’s warning that something is wrong; however, our pain responses are very complex and it is very easy to produce the effect of pain without doing any real harm to the body. The “pain threshold” at which a stimulus crosses the boundary between intense sensation and pain is a gray area in terms of our perception. BDSM is associated in most people’s minds with potentially painful activities, sometimes referred to as “pain games”. It is true; however, that some people actually enjoy or at least get some satisfaction out of the intense physical sensation. Some of the satisfaction may be attributed to the release of body chemicals also known as “endorphins”. Most player’s interests are a mixture of physical aspects and the psychological dynamics of Domination and submission, and some play with hardly any physical pain at all. Those for whom the interest in pain is predominant are sometimes referred to sadists and masochists rather than Dominants and submissives. After care is needed, and monitoring the one receiving pain, is mandatory. Not for the novice for play.
a person who experiences sexual, romantic, physical, and/or spiritual attraction for members of all gender identities/expressions
Round leather device which is fitted between the scrotum and the base of the penis with chains for weights to be added. This is a form of play, or punishment.
Play which involves having simulated “sex” over the telephone. Some phone companies deem this illegal.
Piercing of the body with a thin sharp object such as a needle. There are two types of play, permanent and temporary. Permanent piercing is done with a thicker needle which enables jewelry to be easily inserted. Temporary piercing is done with a smaller, thinner needle which can be removed without permanent scarring after the session is completed. (i.e., nipple piercing, ear piercing, genital piercing). Mostly done to enhance the sensual areas of the skin. Piercing should be done be a professional.
A device used directly on genitals for punishment. The person’s body weight, plus additional weight is placed directly on the pony which distributes pain to a very area. This is extremely dangerous as permanent damage may result. Not for the novice.
This type of gear includes hoods, bits for mouth, bridles, straps, harnesses, saddles and anal plug tails. Some use hoof shoes as well. These are used to “train” a submissive to be used for work, as a pony. This can be very dangerous as joints, limbs or back maybe damaged. Not for the novice.
Scenes involving the submissive being dressed or made up as to portray a “pony”. Scenes might include mouth bits, harnesses, saddles, riding crops, etc. Note: Riding your pony can cause serious damage to their backs, hips, joints.
Acting out a scene involving some type of prison scene. The use of a *cell* is for punishment and humiliation.
The selling of one’s body for sexual purposes (i.e., selling sex or sexual favors). This form of play is illegal in many areas.
Play which involves exposing oneself in public (i.e., flashing). Used for control / humiliation purposes.
Scenes where the Dominant “punishes” the submissive for “bad or unruly” behavior. Often performed in little boy / girl scenes which may involve spankings, time-outs, etc.
“Whipping” the genital (vagina) area with different types of equipment (i.e., floggers, crops, slappers, etc.) for erotic pleasure.
The practice of play involving the “worship” of the female genitalia. Scenes may involve the cleaning, licking, shaving, etc. In general, “worship” is a form of erotic play.
historically, this was a derogatory slang term used to identify LGBTQ+ people; (2) a term that has been embraced and reclaimed by the LGBTQ+ community as a symbol of pride, representing all individuals who fall out of the gender and sexuality “norms”
the process of exploring one’s own sexual orientation, investigating influences that may come from their family, religious upbringing, and internal motivations
A table-like device which is fitted with pulling or stretching capabilities. Some racks incorporate pulleys, winches or wheels for pulling one in opposing directions. Paddles or whips are generally used on the person on a rack.
A form of play where the submissive is usually dressed in nun’s or clerical attire.
A short whip-type instrument made of leather with a “loop” at the end which is intended for use on horses. May be used in scenes involving pony boy / girl type play. Riding crops are used to administer punishment, as well.
Mouth contact with the rectal area, which includes insertion of the tongue. Note : Hygiene precautions should be observed with this type of play. This play can spread disease.
There are many styles of rope work from simple to very intricate. study of knots is important to anyone wishing to attempt this play. This form of play can be very dangerous if blood flow is disrupted. Not for the novice.
Rubber / Latex Clothing
Besides leather, this type of clothing is the next best thing. One example may be a rubber hood. Some bondage items are made out of latex sheeting, and as with leather, black seems to be the most popular color by far.
Saint Andrews Cross
This is a cross made in an X formation. It is generally angled and self-supporting. Some are suspended from ceilings, or mounted directly to a wall. The cross has leather restraints for arms, legs and body, Some have hooks along the edges for a person to be “laced” to the cross. Used for sexual play, or punishment can be administered while attached to the cross.
Same Gender Loving (SGL)
a phrase coined by the African American/Black queer communities used as an alternative for “gay” and “lesbian” by people who may see those as terms of the White queer community
Plastic wrapping used most commonly to wrap leftover food. In BDSM play, used most likely in “bondage” scenes. This form of play can be dangerous.
Scratching the body with the fingernails or another instrument for mild pain. Note: Safety precautions should be observed as deep scratching may lead to bleeding of the skin. Care should be exercised in preventing infection.
Play which involves “depriving” the submissive of certain sensory perceptions. May include blindfolds, bondage, gags, etc.
the type of sexual, romantic, physical, and/or spiritual attraction one feels for others, often labeled based on the gender relationship between the person and the people they are attracted to; often mistakenly referred to as “sexual preference”
generally when this term is used, it is being mistakenly interchanged with “sexual orientation,” creating an illusion that one has a choice (or “preference”) in who they are attracted to; (2) the types of sexual intercourse, stimulation, and gratification one likes to receive and participate in
Using a razor or straight blade to shave hair from the body. Note: Shaving of the genital area should be done with extreme care.
The art of Intricate Japanese Rope Bondage. Bondage patterns are intricate, and artistically pleasing.
Refers to swimming in the nude / swimming naked.
attracted to genderqueer and transsexual people and expressions (people who aren’t identified as cisgender)
A totally subordinate person who needs total direction in all aspects of their life. To be owned, to serve, without question, and who questions nothing they are told.
Refers to a bag in which the body is wrapped in a sleeping bag type contraption with ropes or straps. An intense form of “bondage”. This form of play can be dangerous .
Slings are made in many designs and shapes, but their use is to open access to the genitalia for play or punishment. This form of suspension causes fatigue rather quickly, so after-care should be taken as well as care during such use. Not for the novice.
A form-fitting, stretchy type material that clings to the body (i.e., most women’s pantyhose are made of spandex). When worn can be quite comfortable and look extremely sexy when worn on “tight bodies”.
involves striking someone with the palm of the hand or other object (i.e., paddle, hairbrush, pig slapper, riding crop, etc.) on the buttocks as a form of punishment / humiliation. Mild spanking can be very erotic and when done correctly can push the submissive into “subspace” releasing endorphins which in turn creates a sense of euphoria.
A medical instrument intended for the use of medical examination of the vagina or rectum, made of steel or plastic in the shape of a duckbill. The speculum is lubricated and inserted. After insertion, the “bill” is spread apart to open the cervix in the vagina. In BDSM play, commonly used in medical scening. This form of play can be dangerous . Not for the novice.
A bar type device used to “spread” apart arms / legs of the submissive. Bars can be made of common, inexpensive materials such as dowel rods, pvc pipe, broomsticks, etc.
A type of bondage “furniture” based on the medieval form of stocks used for punishment. Stocks usually consist of two hinged pieces of wood with semi-circular holes which when locked together form a ring large enough for the head / neck and wrists to be placed inside.
a man or woman who is attracted to people of the other binary gender than themselves; often referred to as “heterosexual”
A jacket type of garment meant to be worn “backwards”, consisting of close-ended sleeves that are strapped crisscrossed around the back and tied or locked in place (i.e., Houdini used this garment to escape from frequently).
A fastening type strap most commonly used to hold a dildo in place. Commonly used in lesbian scening.
A length of material, most commonly leather, used for striking the body.
Generally made of wooden dowel rods or metal tubing, having eyelets to secure a submissive’s arms, legs apart for play. These are very portable, to use anywhere. Stretchers come in various lengths, usually 24 inches to 48 inches.
A mental altered state in which a person can be taken to. Space is a form of hypnotism that can be self attained, or a Dominant can aid to obtain. Subspace is used for sexual pleasure, and can be utilized to convert pain to pleasure. After care is mandatory, as is constant monitoring. Not for the novice.
One who gives freely of themselves for the pleasures of another. A subordinate with negotiated limits.
An advanced form of bondage in which the whole body is “suspended” off the ground and hanging “free in space”. Note: not for the novice, use of properly designed equipment is advised.
The “swapping” of one’s partner generally for sexual / erotic play. Switching partners temporarily for play purposes.
One who “switches” between Dominant / submissive roles, i.e. from scene-to-scene or within a scene. Some switches may submit to one Dominant, and dominate others, etc.
A padded table, where the submissive is restrained for play. The table has many securing points to offer different positions for play or examination. Tables can be used as racks if outfitted accordingly.
Tampons inserted into the rectum, used as an anal plug, for play or punishment.
A permanent form of scarring to the body in the form of various types of pictures or drawings or names, etc. A permanent form of “marking the submissive” as property.
The act of “teasing” to enhance erotic play or pleasure. Teasing the partner in such a way as to stimulate sexual pleasure.
Term meaning Transcutaneous Electrical Neural Stimulation unit. A machine designed to apply electrical impulses to the body at safe levels. Note: As with any type of electrical play , safety precautions should be observed as this form of play is very dangerous .
A simple belt around the waist with connectors around it to restrict the sub-missive’s movement of arms and legs.
a person who does not identify with the traditional genders of “man” or “woman,” but identifies with another gender; (2) the gender category available in societies that recognize three or more genders
Restraining devices used for restraint by the thumbs.
These are 16 to 18 inch rods with a tiny *flogger* attached on the end. Great for small areas where precision impacts are desired. Other ticklers include feathers, sandpaper, etc.
Tickling the body to induce laughter. Often used in age play scenes.
A Dominant who helps sub-missives understand the sexual aspects of the lifestyle. Study and play sessions are the normal negotiations.
blanket term used to describe all people who are not cisgender; occasionally used as “transgendered” but the “ed” is misleading, as it implies something happened to the person to make them transgender, which is not the case
term used to describe the process of moving from one sex/gender to another, sometimes this is done by hormone or surgical treatments
person whose gender identity is the binary opposite of their biological sex, who may undergo medical treatments to change their biological sex, often times to align it with their gender identity, or they may live their lives as the opposite sex; often confused with “trans-man”/”trans-woman”
person who dresses as the binary opposite gender expression (“cross-dresses”) for any one of many reasons, including relaxation, fun, and sexual gratification; often called a “cross-dresser,” and often confused with “transsexual”
person who was assigned a female sex at birth, but identifies as a man; often confused with “transsexual man” or “FTM”
person who was assigned a male sex at birth, but identifies as a woman; often confused with “transsexual woman” or “MTF”
Penetration of the body in three bodily orifices. Example: Insertion of the penis, dildo, butt plug in a female submissive all at once to enhance sexual stimulation.
term traditionally used by Native American people to recognize individuals who possess qualities or fulfill roles of both genders
Play which involves the submissive wearing a “uniform”. Such uniforms could include cheerleader uniform, maid uniform, etc. Commonly used in role-playing scenes.
Play involving the “urethra”, the tube that runs between the bladder and the outside of the body. In men, it emerges at the end of the penis, and in women, just inside the vagina. With the exception of the very end, this tube is sterile, and anything inserted deeper than a few millimeters should be sterile as well. Note: Serious damage can occur by inserting inappropriate devices, using excessive force, or by bad technique. This form of play is extremely dangerous . Not for the novice.
A dildo type device made in varying shapes and sizes and powered by either battery or plug-in electrical type. Used as a form of genital stimulation most commonly for women to promote orgasm.
A device used commonly in electrical type play which discharges radio energy when, which touched to the body produces electrical sparks. The sensation is similar to “static cling” charges. Using electricity in BDSM play seems a scary notion to most people, but it can easily be made safe provided two simple rules are followed: only use devices powered by low-voltage batteries, and certainly no main-powered appliances; and avoid placing any contacts above the waist (including the hands or arms) as even small currents in the heart or brain can disrupt those organs’ delicate electrical activity with serious consequences. This form of play is dangerous , and not for the novice.
Pre-recorded movies of a sexual nature. Can be watching others or being recorded.
Term meaning the act of watching, peeping. In BDSM play, means to watch someone engage in sex or other forms of sensual / erotic play.
A form of “torture” involving water. After care is extremely important. Example: Laying the submissive face up while dripping water on the forehead for extended periods of time. Derived from the Chinese (i.e., Chinese Water Torture).
Using warmed wax as a form of erotic sensation. Common areas of waxing are the buttocks, breast area, back, etc. The process of using hot wax in scening. The wax most commonly used are candles. Note: Some types of wax, beeswax for instance, have a tendency to become extremely hot during burning and should always be done carefully to prevent permanent burning/scarring of the skin.
Used to extend or pull, by pressure. Vaginal weights used on labia, for example, pull the labia to stretch, for play or punishment depending on the amount of weight used.
A device consisting of a long, flexible striking surface. Whipping the body with a whip type device as a form of punishment.
Designs vary according to builder, but the principle is to have a tall post with tethers that hang down, to attach a person from their wrists. Used for positioning a submissive for ease of whipping. Some Dominants use the “whipping post” for punishment only, and never for play.