People have been doing it since the beginning of time, but only recently has anal sex enjoyed such mainstream acceptance. Well, acceptance might not be the best word. While bum loving may have been happening for millennia, it is still a moderately taboo sex act.
“It will hurt.”
“Exit only. Poop could happen!”
“Only gay men do that.”
These are all common arguments against trying something new that can be very intimate, very sexy and very, very pleasurable.
There are 3 key steps to enjoying ass play:
Getting comfortable enough to open your derriere starts well before the act itself. First, you need to feel confident mentally and physically.
Why do you want to try anal sex? Are you looking for a new sensation or are you doing it for someone else? If it is for someone else, take pause to consider how you really feel about that. To ensure you have a good experience with anal touch, you need to be completely comfortable with the idea. If you’re not mentally sure, you won’t be physically relaxed. And more often than not, that apprehension will lead to pain.
At the same time, even if you are completely down with the potential for buttsex, you need to be aware of your body’s abilities and availability. Sometimes you may be completely craving anal loving, but your body is going to say “no thank you, not today.” This could be due to stress, food choices or any other factor that could upset your system. Because let’s face it: poop could happen. Fortunately, that likelihood is actually very slim. Feces rarely hang out in the anal cavity, so it is unlikely anyone will encounter any. Anal sex should be a great cleandirty experience.
So, now you’re keen and you’re clean. But there is one more thing I highly recommend before you attempt anal fun with someone else: try exploring your ass yourself!
This advice applies to those who want to be touched and those who will be doing the touching. If it is your ass up on offer to someone else, some preparatory play can offer a glimpse into what is to come. If you are hoping to be penetrated, you can try that out with a finger or a toy. This will give you a sense of your body’s potential reaction.
Lay on your back with your legs spread. Gently trace and touch the curves of your legs, your curves, your cheeks. Feel free to stimulate yourself in other ways with your other hand. Move your fingers closer and closer to your asshole, feeling the textures of your body. As your start to feel your precious pucker, take special note of the different sensations you are producing–both internally and on your fingertip.
Before you go any further, now is a good time to coat that finger in lube. Lots of lube. We’ll get into more detail about lube in a bit, but always remember to include sufficient lubrication in your butt fun. It is essential. As you touch your ass, you’ll understand why.
Not only is some m’ass’turbation recommended, don’t just try it once. Get back there and play around as many times as you want before moving forward. You might even discover this action fits in well with your other self-pleasure preferences.
And don’t think I’ve forgotten about those who want to get friendly with someone else’s asshole. You should try all of this too-on your own bum. Almost everyone has a butthole and they’re all pretty similar—inside and out. Improving your understanding of anatomy will help you navigate your partner’s body. While your experiences won’t necessarily be the same, you will learn about which parts are soft, firm, flexible and fun.
Now that you’ve cracked open your backdoor just a bit, let’s move on to the next essential ingredient in anal fun: lubrication. There is one general rule one when it comes to using lube in anal sex: if you think you’ve applied enough, add more. And then some more. Really, it easy to use too little lube, but impossible to use too much!
The anus is not like the vagina—it is not self-lubricating. Even slipping a finger in without lube can be a painful and potentially damaging experience. The skin is far too sensitive and can rip and tear. These wounds can lead to infection and other health issues. So, it is pretty clear, make sure you use lots and lots of lube.
And no, saliva and vaginal fluid do not count. They will dry up quickly during anal action. And while there might not be actual poop involved in anal play, you are still inserting something in the anal cavity. Once you move your fingers or penis or sex toy from a mouth or vagina to an ass, it stays back there until it can be properly cleaned.
Fortunately, lube is the key to keeping anal sex slippery and sensual. There are two main types of personal lubricants you should seek out: water-based and silicone-based. Both have their pros and cons.
Water-based lubes are fantastic for anal sex. Because they are water-based, they absorb back into the skin. Even clean up is easy, just a little soap and water. Water-based lubes are also perfectly paired with condoms as they won’t break down the latex. The main drawback of water-based lubes is that they can dry up if your sex session goes on for a long time. If that happens, just apply more lube or sprinkle some water to reactive the lube.
Silicone-based lubes are much more durable than water-based and also condom compatible. Slather up in some silicone-based lube and you’ll be slick for as long as you want. They may sometimes feel a bit thick and sticky, but generally they leave a thinner coating which can heighten sensation. Their drawback is that they are more inconvenient to clean up afterwards. Also, you cannot use silicone toys with silicone-based lube.
I do not recommend any oil-based lubricants, such as home-remedies like cooking oil, petroleum jelly or Crisco. Not only will these items break down a condom, potentially causing it to tear, oil-based products do not absorb as readily in the anal tract, possibly leading to bacteria and infection.
So, you’re relaxed, you’ve got a good bottle of lube on hand…are you ready for buttfun?
Yes, you are!
It is now time to apply all of these ideas for a fantastic sensual experience!
You can start this new adventure before you even get into bed. A steamy shower will relax your muscles and let the two of you get nice and close. Grab some soap and lather each other up, particularly your bum. This will ensure you’re plenty clean and good to go!
To begin, you can choose to lay on your back or on your belly, whichever makes you more comfortable–and provides access to your ass! Each position offers distinct, sexy advantages.
Getting your ass ready for play can be much the same as getting other parts ready for action. Your partner can use their fingers, mouth or both! While on your back, spread your legs far enough that your partner has ready access to your bum. They can run their fingers up and down your legs, play with your vulva and move closer and closer to your anus. As they do, get that lube ready! While they turn you on, remember to breath, relax and take in the moment. You’re about to experience new erotic heights!
When your partner’s finger is all lubed up, have them work it all around your butthole. Tense and release so they can feel how your body works. As you do this, your body may start to envelope the tip of their finger, gently pulling it inside you. This is a great time to let your partner know you are ready to move forward.
After all of your preparation and relaxation, there is no reason your body should react negatively. I can’t in good conscience say it won’t, initially, be a little uncomfortable or even a little painful. At this point, you will have to take charge of your body and your ability to proceed. If, as your partner’s finger enters you, you need to stop, or have it taken out, say so or even move yourself away. Don’t proceed with anything that doesn’t feel right for you in any way. Here’s hoping things will go smoothly.
And if it is all good, proceed how you think best! Have your partner move their finger into you slowly as you get used to the sensation. Any discomfort should dissipate shortly. Then the two of you can explore your bum in all of its glory. And while your partner will likely be fascinated by the new experience, remind them that you have other bits that could use a finger or tongue as well. And remember, if the lube dries up, add some more!
You’ll recall that I mentioned another way to warm your butt up? Indeed, I did say your partner could perform oral sex on your ass. This is called rimming and works wonderfully when you are laying on your belly. Your partner can kiss and lick and touch you all over, moving ever closer to your bum. In fact, as they get closer, you’ll find yourself raising your hips to meet their lips!
Now, rimming is an exceptionally intimate experience that not everybody is going to be interested in. It definitely requires a shower first. The sensation of a tongue on your ass is unbelievable, but if you or your partner can’t get past the squick factor of mouth-on-ass, then it is best to avoid it.
However, if you’re both interested, rimming is a fantastic way to turn the excitement up a few extra notches. While it shouldn’t be the only lubricant, saliva and a swirling tongue feel just as amazing on an ass as they do other parts of the body. And the moment your partner touches your anus with their tongue, any remaining inhibitions will melt away. Your body just might urge them to lap and lick away at you. A tongue isn’t going to have much luck with the first stages of penetration, but a good tongue bath will have you begging for more and more and more.
Finally, if that more and more is what you’re craving, then you are definitely ready for some full-on assfucking!
If full-on penetration is your goal, get that lube ready for the ride of your life. Literally! For those new to anal sex, the best way to attempt your first penetration is with you on top, straddling your partner. By being on top, you have full control of the speed and depth of insertion—something you really want to be the one in charge of. So get more lube on ya and climb on board.
Once you’re in position and ready to go, reach underneath or behind you to hold the penis (or equivalent) in place. Take some time to tease your partner by rubbing the head along your crack. This will also help you figure out exactly where your ass entrance is. Trust me, it isn’t as easy as it sounds! Between all of the lube and the relatively small hole you’re looking for, it isn’t at all uncommon for first-timers to be slightly off the mark.
Once the two of you are just dying to get that cock in you, take a moment to breath deeply and “open” your ass up. By this, I mean that you should try to actively push your ass out—the complete opposite of squeezing it tight. The calming breath will help you focus and be relaxed, and your open ass will facilitate easier entry. If it helps, give yourself a “3…2…1” countdown and then slip that penis into your tight ass.
If all has gone well, it will be a complete unique sensation. Great? Uncomfortable? Thrilling? Filling? All of the above?
Even if you are in pure bliss, hold that cock in place and let your body adjust to the new feelings. Patience is entirely a virtue in ass sex. Once you’re ready, slowly slide yourself down, taking note of the fullness and previously unexplored nerve endings you are experiencing. When you get there, resting on your partner’s pelvis will feel so good.
And there you go!
If ass sex is new for both of you, and you’re playing with a real penis, don’t be surprised if it doesn’t last long. Being inside an ass is a feeling without compare–and entirely different than vaginal fucking. Your tight anal sphincters will feel like a vice-grip ring moving up and down that cock–making it almost impossible not to have a mind-blowing cum. Ride along together for an amazing experience.
And that is just the start. If your first anal fun goes well, you’ll surely be anxious to try other positions. Each offer benefits and potential difficulties:
Doggie-style: This is the position most people equate with ass fucking. You on your hands and knees, your partner entering you from behind. Doggie-styke is fantastic if you get off on deep penetration. However, that can also be a drawback. If your partner gets a little too “in the moment” you could experience pain from deep thrusts. At the same time, if you like your sex a little rough, your partner can grab your hips and fuck you hard.
Missionary: Face-to-face is a great way to ensure an intimate connection with your partner during anal sex. It does require a fair bit of flexibility on your part, but you will also receive the added bonus of your partner’s pelvis coming into contact with your vulva and clitoris.
Spooning: This is a great beginner level position for anal sex, particularly if you’ve already started with some other fucking. Chances are some natural lube will already be flowing and can be a great addition to the lube you’ll add. In spooning, your partner won’t be able to penetrate you too deeply and you’ll enjoy a totally different set of sensations.
Positions from porn: Just don’t. Most of the ass fucking in porn is a show and not meant to be enjoyable for the performers. It is all about camera angles and the view for consumers. Don’t get me wrong, porn has been both a blessing and curse for anal sex. Porn has normalized anal sex and made it a conversation most people are open to having. At the same time, unfortunately, porn has established unrealistic expectations in terms of anal. Not only are the positions complex and challenging, but many have come to assume anal sex is a given in most sexual encounters. If some guy asks for anal from you, a true test of his character is asking if he will offer up his butt first. If he scoffs or gets negative right away…do you really want to be with a guy who is so dismissive?
Hopefully this guide has intrigued you about the wild possibilities of anal sex. The sensations, the orgasms! Look out, you just might find it to be ass-tastic.