keep-calm-and-whip-on_etsy

Wanna Be Bareback Dom Learns a Lesson in the Art of Listening

Question 3

I started seeing this girl with the potential that we’d become Dom and sub. We went on a few dates, and things seemed to be going great. We talked a lot about D/s (I have experience, she doesn’t.) We talked consent, safe words, safety, all kinds of stuff.
One night, she came back to my place, and we had sex. Just vanilla stuff, though I swatted her butt once or twice, that kind of thing. I’ve had some nerve damage, so I don’t have a lot of sensation in my penis. I asked her several times if she’d like to try sex without a condom. She kept saying no. I asked her why not, and she wouldn’t give me a good answer. I’m clean, and she was a virgin, and it was highly unlikely that I’d get her pregnant. So I wound up keeping the condom on. I took her home afterward, and everything seemed fine.
Two days later, she broke up with me. She said that she couldn’t trust me, because I kept asking to go bareback, even though she kept saying no. She said she’s an anxious person, and she’s worried that if I ever had her tied up and she used her safe word that I’d just ignore it.
I like this girl. What can I say to make it better?

Response:

Dear Spanky,
The first question you should be asking is one of yourself – why did you feel the need to push the issue? If you are trying to dom, you should know that her safety and comfort is extremely important. Trying to force her into doing something she clearly stated she didn’t want to do was not a good play on your part. Respecting her limits, especially ones that she has reiterated to you, means that she knows that she can trust you when things get kinky. Otherwise, she may be right to worry that you might push at a time when she is not able to say ‘no’ comfortably. It’s a serious problem in all relationships when someone feels that trust has been broken, but it’s possibly even more important when it comes to something like BDSM where boundaries need to be respected due to the nature of the activities.
That all said, not all hope is lost.
Don’t push her, but do let her know that you recognize the error of your ways, and that you would not engage in this behavior again. Some doms feels that they cannot admit to a mistake without losing their control, but in reality being able to apologize and work past a mistake is part of what makes a dom so successful and so powerful.
Try to date her without immediately jumping to sex. Perhaps she’d be up for a friendly date or two, and you can introduce some basic BDSM (that does not lead to sex). If she can see that a spanking will only go so far, she might be able to see that you are a man of your word.
A final word of advice – don’t push her to keep dating you if she says no. Remember that was the original problem – you didn’t listen when she said no. Clearly, she needs to see that you can take no for an answer. So if she says no to any future dates, maybe being friends is all that’s in your future.
Good luck!

Annie

0
Sex Appeal
0
Creativity
0
Entertainment
Users (0 votes) 0
What people say... 0 Leave your rating

Be the first to leave a rating.

Leave your rating

FacebookTwitterGoogle+Share